So, you have decided you are going to improve your life, you are finally committing to doing things for yourself maybe you joined the exercise class or a new lifestyle change, or have decided to try online dating, or go for that job you have been dreaming of or put yourself forward for the job promotion you really want.
But now you are not so sure and losing the confidence in yourself that you can actual achieve your goals and you find yourself watching episode after episode or cleaning the house top to bottom rather than going and actually doing what you said you want to do. Sound familiar?
We all have been there at some stage. We had great intentions but unfortunately or actions never matched our intentions and suddenly the weeks are turning into months and that goal seems further and further away.
So why is change so hard for us?
There are several reasons why but the main reason is we get in our own way……..we self-sabotage…….we let the little voice inside our head talk convinces ourselves that we are fine as we are and we don’t need to step outside our comfort zone. You then feel bad about yourself, lose your self-belief and are very critical of yourself and this prevents you from taking action.
So why do we get in our own way?
If we know that making these changes will help improve our life one way or another, why do we get in our own way and make things even harder? The answer is due to old patterns that we have being doing for years, what we use to cope when we are dealing with difficult things. A lot of the time these are unconscious and we just go into auto-pilot.
Anytime we try new things these patterns come to the fore to try make ourselves feel better.
We resort to these patterns:
- When we have lots of uncertainty about a task or goal we are trying to achieve, we look for a short cut and try look for doing something easier.
- When we create high expectations like our goals, the fear of not meeting these expectations means we are discomforted so we look for easier option.
- When we lose confidence in ourselves we doubt our ability and talk ourselves from pushing through and achieving our goals.
When we feel this discomfort about doing something new, our reactive patterns emerge which include being critical of ourselves, we stress about it all day, we numb ourselves and spend hours distracting ourselves and talking ourselves why it be easier to quit and we get in our own way rather than taking baby steps towards achieving our goal.
How do we stop getting in our own way?
The answer is becoming aware of what we are doing and changing them patterns for better ones, one at a time.
So next time you notice you are looking for distraction, procrastinating, letting the inner vice constantly beating yourself and telling you aren’t capable of changing your habits, notice what your reactive patterns are and also notice what triggers these patterns in the first place.
For example, if the little voice inside your head is getting the better of your rational thinking, notice what it is telling you, acknowledge that it is being harsh and challenge the statements to see if there is any truth behind it……generally there isn’t, it’s just fear trying to get the better of you.
Once you notice these patterns trying to stop you moving forward, refocus on your goal and list the reasons as to why you decided on making a change in the first place. Then start a fresh, no stress and let go of having a wobbly moment (It’s human we all have them). Then think of a baby step that can help you move towards your goal and these baby steps will amount to big steps ensuring you will succeed at making the improvements in your life.
Hope that is useful or if you would like some help with whatever you are trying to change in your life get in contact or call me for a free clarity call and see how we can make your change that little bit easier.